Rekindle the Romance

As the Valentine month is about to get over, this is the perfect time to talk about bringing back the romance in your and your partner’s lives. It is often seen that with time as love matures, we also let go of the small gestures that used to be omnipresent at the beginning of our relationship and which used to make our partner feel special.

It’s not that one doesn’t feel the love anymore or doesn’t want to make the other person feel special. It’s more about ‘practicality’ and other commitments of life taking its toll. I often come across clients who lament about how love has died, because their partner doesn’t take them out for movies, or doesn’t cook their favourite dish and the like.

What they are actually lamenting about is the change in the way love is expressed post marriage or after years of dating, which is so very different than from how love was expressed during the initial days of their love life / marriage.

Some people say that ‘all that’ is just a childish way of expressing love. But the question arises that, is being child-like at times bad? What harm would it do to go the extra mile and show some love overtly? While no one is asking you to stand on the rooftop and scream your guts out expressing your love for your beloved (although a Bollywood buff would say what’s the harm in that?), it would be nice to express your love using simple gestures & behaviours. Here are some suggestions to bring back the lost love in your life:

1. Figure out the things you & your partner can do together. When was the last time you did something together? Be it going for a movie, exploring new places, enjoying food together, hanging out with some common friends; spend some time on a weekly basis in an activity that you both can do together.
2. Go for a date night. Yes, that’s right. How many times during your courtship, did you have to plan around parental permissions, night curfews, lecture schedules, etc., to meet your partner? Surprise, surprise! There are no such restrictions anymore. And precisely that’s why many couples keep delaying going out alone and just be by themselves. Rediscover the love on a simple date night or go for a week-long (maybe longer) holiday with just your partner, without the kids (if any).
3. Focus on the positive. As the daily humdrum of life takes over, we start focusing more on what’s going wrong around us and less on the aspects we should be grateful for. Most commonly we start blaming our partners for things which are not working out adequately. It, thus, becomes extremely essential that we start focusing on and also appreciating the positives of our partner and the little things they do which keeps us going.
4. Value different opinions. One of the issues I end up working with at the clinic with couples is the need displayed by both partners to be always right. Each one of us has a different perspective on situations around us. And thus, in a relationship, couples need to understand that both parties can be equally right even if they have different opinions. “My opinion can be mine and be entirely right but that doesn’t mean that your opinion is wrong or has to be just the same as mine to be considered right”. Once partners understand this basic concept of differing views being equally valid, a lot of fights will find no logical premise.
5. Avoid comparisons. Another critical thing to keep in mind is to avoid comparisons with other couples. Focusing on such things as how much do the others travel, gift each other, party together, etc., will make you discontented with your own relationship. So, just enjoy what you have and focus on how can you make it better.

To conclude, remember to laugh together, dance together, and don’t be shy of wearing your love on your sleeves… the world needs more people to display love openly, to be a happier place.